Have you ever seen this Disney cartoon about Ferdinand the Bull?

It was one of my favorites as a small child and I’ve shown it to my own kids many times.

Ferdinand was different than all the other bulls. He wasn’t interested in snorting and fighting and demonstrating his anger in as ferocious a manner as possible. Ferdinand preferred to “sit just quietly, and smell the flowers.”

I’ve really been trying to work on being more of a gentle mother, slow to anger, and softer in my speech and tone toward my children in the times when they exasperate me.

I’ve found that the most difficult time of day for me to remain calm, keep a patient demeanor with my children, and speak softly to them, is at bedtime. This is such a dissapointment to me because I’ve always had visions of making bedtime the most precious time of day.

I feel like bedtime should go like this…

7:30 -

Mommy – “Children put on your pajamas and brush your teeth, then come and see me for a story.”

Children – “Yes Mommy.”

7:40 – 7:50 -

Mommy reads story, children sit quietly and adoringly, enthusiastically listening to whatever story Mommy has chosen.

7:50 -

Bedtime Prayers

7:55 -

hugs and kisses and exchanges of gratitude and affection for a great day together

8:00 -

Children are quiet in their beds, Mommy quietly sits on the couch and begins her time to herself-  Bible Study, email, blog, reading, TV, and adult conversation with her enchanting husband.

Instead… most evenings here go more realistically like this…

7:30 -

Mommy -”Okay, go brush your teeth.”

Child 1 – “But I’m not done with my dinner yet!”

Mommy – “I served dinner at 6:30! What do you mean you aren’t done yet? Hurry up! It’s bedtime.”

7:45 -

Child 1 – “Can I be done with my dinner even though I didn’t eat it all?”

Mommy – “What?! You’re still eating? What is going on? Yes! Fine! Just be done. Go brush your teeth. Hurry up!!! You should have been done a long time ago!”

7:55 -

Mommy – “Why aren’t your jammas on yet?!

Child 2 – “I don’t know.”

Mommy “Go get your jammas on NOW! Hurry up! I don’t want to have to tell you again!”

8:00 -

Mommy – “Okay, go get in bed.”

Child 2 – “But mom, I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

Mommy – “What!!!!!!!  GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH NOW!!! What in the world have you been doing all this time?!!!”

8:05 -

Mommy – “Go get in bed!”

Child 1 – “But Mommy I want you to read me a story.”

Mommy – “No way! Not a chance. You took way too long to get ready for bed and now it’s already past bed time. No story tonight!”

Child 1 –  minor meltdown over no story

8:10 -

Mommy – “Okay, that’s enough! It’s time to pray! Be quiet! Everyone… sit still and be quiet.”

8:10 – 8:15 -

Family Prayer

8:15 -

Mommy calm but grumpily – “I love you both. Lord bless your sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Children – ” Goodnight Mom.”

Mommy – “Goodnight.”

- hugs and kisses. Everyone is tucked in. Light is off. -

8:20 -

Mom sits down on couch and lets all the built up tension and exhaustion from the day melt off. Big sigh. And now… peace. Ahhhhhhh

8:25 -

pitter patter of feet on the kitchen floor

Child 2 – “Mom, I need to go potty.”

Mommy – “Go.”

8:35 -

Mom yells from couch, “Are you still in the bathroom?”

Child 2 – “Yeee-ess.”

Mommy – “What in the world are you doing in there?! Get to bed NOW!!!!”

Child 2 returns to bed

8:45 -

Sounds heard from the bedroom

Children – “No! Stop that! Quit it! Turn off the light!”

Mom yells from couch – “Hey! What is the light doing on?! You two are supposed to be sleeping!”

Child 1 – “I’m looking for my pink puppy.”

Mommy – “Well get it and get in bed! NOW! This is ridiculous! It’s almost 9 o’clock!”

9:00 -

More sounds from the bedroom -

Child 2 – “Turn off the light!”

Mom yells from couch – “Hey! Get up and turn off the light. NOW! I don’t want to hear another word!!! GO. TO. SLEEP!!!!!!”

9:15 -

Pitter patter of feet

Child 1 – “Mom I need another drink of water.”

Mommy – “No! You had your last drink of water for the night already! Now get in bed!”

Whimpering Child 1 – “But Mom, my throat is really dry. I neeeeeeed it.”

Look of death from Mommy – “Get your last drink RIGHT now and get in bed!”

You get the picture. Many nights in our house have been some kind of close variation of this scenario.

Shameful.

Did you notice how much of that angry shouting was carried out by me while sitting firmly on the couch with no intention of bothering to get up and address my children face-to-face where I could speak to them more calmly with love?

That’s “Mother-of-the-Year” material right there huh folks?

Sheesh.

I’m working on it. I promise.

That’s where Ferdinand comes in.

One night as all of this was going on, Ferdinand came to mind.

I calmly regained my composure, sat down at my kids bedside and told them,

“Kids…. do you remember that cartoon about Ferdinand the Bull?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, well, I want to explain something to you. Every day Mommy works very hard all day long. From the time I get up, until the time you guys go to bed I am busy making meals, cleaning up messes, doing chores, teaching lessons, running errands, and all of that stuff. And I am so blessed to be a stay at home Mommy. It is such a privelage to be here all day with all of you and to get to spend so much time together, but it is also a lot of hard work. When you guys go to bed, I get a chance to sit and do things that are just for Mommy. I get to read a book, write in my journal, work on my blog, watch something other than cartoons on TV. Your bedtime is my time to relax and be done with so much work for the day. I become like Ferdiand, and all I want to do is sit quietly and smell the flowers. But when you two take all this extra time to get ready for bed because you are goofing off, and when you start getting back up out of bed to go to the bathroom and get drinks of water, it disrupts my quiet time, and it often turns Mommy into a raging bull just like Ferdinand when he got stung by that bee. Now, I don’t want to yell and get angry and be like a raging bull. I want bedtime to be a peaceful loving time between us when we cuddle and love each other and settle down after a busy day. I’m going to work very hard at having more patience at bedtime and trying not to yell and become an angry bull, but I need you also to work harder at getting ready for bed quickly and being quiet and going to sleep without getting back up after I’ve tucked you in. Deal?”

“Deal!”

This Ferdinand analogy has been able to help me remember to remain calm and smell the flowers all through the bedtime process, appreciating the details of these precious times together that will only last so long. It’s helped me to be more patient and gentle in my speech, even when my kids don’t perform their bedtime rituals smoothly with obedience.

I don’t want to be an angry bull. I want to be a calm, loving, gentle, and patient mother who is creating positive memories for her children. I’m working on it.

And, if my kids are dragging their heels while getting ready for bed or making noise after I’ve tucked them in, I calmly say as a reminder, “Hey in there, don’t make Momma into an angry bull. I’m out here trying to smell the flowers, ” and most times that reminder settles them down.

I’ve even overheard one of them saying to the other, “Knock that off. You better stop it. Don’t make Momma into an angry bull.”

The other thing that has been helping me to remain calm and keep an attitude of patience about me at any time someone or something threatens to steal my peace and patience, is being grateful for all of the many blessings I have.

And so my list of gratitude continues for…

9. Ferdinand the Bull

10. children to tuck in

11. toothpaste and toothbrushes

12. last drinks of water

13. bunk beds

14. bedtime stories

15. family prayer

16. favorite stuffed animals

17. soft pillows

18. warm safe homes to sleep in

19. sweet dreams

20. quiet time alone

Here’s the Ferdinand video just for kicks…

This post linked to the Finer Things

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